Tuesday, December 25, 2012

On 2012...(Merry Christmas)

With the year coming to an end, it's no surprise that one would want to look back at the year and see what could have gone better, what didn't go as badly as one thought, and what opportunities could have or should not have been taken. This won't be quite as cheesy and self-involved as it could be, but it's pretty darn close.

My year has been crazy. Just over a year ago, my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. This whole year has been about her recovery and the aftermath. None of it was negative at all. I hurt knowing what my mother was going through, but every moment I spent helping her out and making sure she's comfortable and recovering was extremely positive for me. First of all, it showed me just how much I was willing to do for someone I truly cared about. No, I couldn't deal with the medical aspect of it at all, my stomach couldn't handle that part. However, every other task, every detail, I was able to manage without struggle. I'm no hero, I'm just a daughter. A daughter who came to terms with everything she owed her mother. I wouldn't have it any other way.

With the loss of my aunt, you would think that I would be either very morbid or extremely self- reflective. I'm kind of in the middle of the two. It was her time. She didn't lose her battle with cancer, she conquered it and when her mission was complete, she was received at the gates of Heaven. That's the optimistic way I have chosen to see her death, and no one can take that vision away from me. Today in the car I was holding my rosary and just saying a light prayer to her. Just telling her how much I miss her and how I'm thinking of her and her family as this is the first Christmas without her. Shortly after I said this prayer, this song came on the radio. You know, that song about the little boy buying shoes for his mother on Christmas Eve. She was very sick and he wanted her to look beautiful if she met Jesus that night. The only thing I could think during that song was how it seemed to be perfect timing considering I was thinking about my aunt whose sons are missing her so much this holiday season. That had to be a sign she was listening, right?

Graduating college was a different story. I finished school, spent the summer working and reading for fun. Then summer was over and I realized I wasn't going back to school this year. I plan on returning for my Master's eventually, but I would like to pay off some debt first. I thought that was a smart decision until I realized I don't make enough money waiting tables to pay off my debt in any decent amount of time. I think I need a new plan...

With those being the biggest highlights of the year, I think that's where I wrap it up. New Year's will probably bring about more thoughts to write. Merry Christmas!

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